I admit that I began my life as a very conservative Christian. However, I look back and realize that none of the issues that I dealt with later mattered. I didn't care about race,or religion, or sexuality(duh. I was four.), or any of that stuff. I just wanted to be friends with and love everybody. I look back now and regret that I listened to what everyone else said instead of my own heart.
I was raised in a very conservative environment. Many small towns in the southeast (a.k.a. the Bible Belt) tend to be like that. I was twelve when I finally had to begin constructing my beliefs. I spent twelve years on the planet believing that I had my religion and everybody else had theirs, we could love or hate each other, and that God loves everybody; Nothing else mattered. That was shattered when I became classified as a teenager. I was shown verses where the Bible speaks of certain issues and was taught the views of many people I thought were worth listening to. The basic views were easy: Homosexuality was portrayed not only as a sin, but as one of the worst a person could commit. Bisexuality: same as homosexuality. Mormons: bad. Jehovah's Witnesses: bad. Catholics: doubly bad. Neopagans: same as Satanists. (upon my own research I found that there are huge differences.) Men and women: different, prescribed roles. man is the leader, woman the helper. Essentially, the woman is given little or no rights. Interracial dating and marriage: God made different races for a reason. It's a sin to break the barriers God has put up. Besides, it's not natural. Other religions: bound for the "pit", "Hades", the "bad place". Bible: inerrant, infallible, authoritative, and doesn't contradict itself.
I spent years looking down on homosexuals and bisexuals and other religions. I believed all of the things I was told about a certain group of people whether it was true or not. I spent years in the "I'm right and you're wrong" state. I lived in near hatred of Athiests and Agnostics. I didn't mind interracial relationships too much, but I didn't exactly like them. I also spent those years in a constant struggle with myself.
I finally decided that enough was enough when I was nearly sixteen. I spent nearly four years (and that's a long time for a kid) in a battle within. My accepted theological beliefs constantly went against my heart, instincts, and thoughts. It was mid-October when the youth group I belonged to went on a trip to the mountains. We were right near all of the trails. I spent the whole day praying, meditating, and restoring my mental, spiritual, and emotional balance. Nature has an aura of peace and love that has always helped me to heal and reconnect with myself and God.
I was nervous about letting myself believe that the people who taught me about other religions and different segments of my own religion were wrong. I was so nervous because I knew that if they were wrong about other religions, then maybe they were wrong about their stances on certain issues. I had always been taught one very conservative, very literal interpretation of the Bible. I had done my own interpreting until I was twelve, but I had given it up after that. After four years of listening to that one interpretation (and having fully accepted it mentally), it was difficult to deal with. It was hard for me to make myself admit that maybe I could interprete the Bible differently and have another opinion about an issue. It didn't mean that they were any more or less right than me, it only meant that I thought differently.
However, the hardest thing for me to deal with was that I was toying with the idea that maybe the Bible wasn't infallible, inerrant, authoritative, etc. I had accepted the Bible as the only word of God years before. It had been engrained into me. I had always questioned many things, especially the parts of the New Testament written by Paul. I had never dared to really think about it and fully disagree with those parts, though. I was always afraid that God would get really ticked off or something. I was sick of feeling that way, though. I yanked the Bible out as soon as I got back to our cabin and read every verse that I remembered not agreeing with. I went back into the woods and debated with them in my head for hours................Nothing happened.
One by one I got rid of the stereotypes and the inability to accept other religions and philosophies. I have no problem with the conservativeness of the people in my town, but that's not the path that I choose. I hope people struggling with spiritual choices will get something out of this. There are a million paths to take, and they all (in my opinion) lead to the same thing. No one's path is absolutely, 100% true. Truth can only be found by following the heart.
